Everyone has their limits. Our patience reaches its end, we lose control of our temper, and we let out the rage we’ve been trying to keep inside. It’s completely normal to be angry, heck, it’s even part of the emotions we feel as humans. What’s not normal is how some people aren’t capable of controlling their anger.
Controlling one’s anger is a skill, it’s something you need to train yourself to do. It doesn’t happen at the snap of a finger. It’s something you learn and improve on each time you feel rage. Yes, it’s easy to say, “Oh, no need to read this article. I think I’ve got my anger under control.”, but when the time comes when your patience is tested, what then?
We can become angry in various different scenarios. The rage we release depends on how bad the situation is, but is it really worth it to release that immense rage just to satisfy your mouth itching to say horrible things?
Patience is a virtue
It’s easy to read, it’s easy to understand, it’s even easier to tell unto others, but why is it so difficult to apply in our life? Patience is our ability to accept delay, trouble, or suffering without feeling any anger. It’s what stops us from releasing our increasing wrath inside. It’s that thing that pulls us from reaching the urge to lash out.
It’s important to note that patience plays a huge part in our ability to create decisions, or even by simply choosing words. Without this system that pulls us away from exploding, we’d all be arguing all day long.
We all have our patience, although it may vary from person to person depending on their ability to sustain a stable mental state. Our patience decreases us something that makes us furious, disappointed, or stressed. But why is it important that all of us should strive to have the longest patience possible? Is it worth it if we’re all going to end up releasing it anyway?
The effect of anger on other people
The moment we let go of our patience and we start raging in front of them, their patience also decreases. Negativity is something that is contagious. If everyone is trying there best to hold on to their patience and someone sparks their rage, everyone will be triggered. The situation will just be messier and harder to resolve. Remember that:
An angry person can make another person angry, depending on their patience capacity.
Our reputation will be heavily affected. The way people look at us will be altered because of the attitude we inhabit. A lot of people might stay away because they're too scared of approaching you. It might affect your conduct in school, or it might even cost you your job; all because of the anger you weren’t strong enough to hold.
Factors that might affect your temper
We all get angry because of different things, and a lot of things already going on inside our bodies or around us might amplify that anger. It’s because of these factors that the wrath we unleash is stronger than it’s intended to be.
- When you have a headache. If your head already hurts because of all the yabbering, it can cause more irritation and conflict to arise. Your ability to support your patience is hindered and you end up being unable to suppress them.
- When other emotions start to act up. For some people, their sadness becomes anger or even vice versa. The fact that they’re unhappy about something contributes to your decrease in patience. Sadness fuels anger, most especially the sadness you can no longer hold inside.
- When you’re hungry. It’s hard to stay focused on maintaining your cool when your stomach keeps grumbling. It makes us cranky and irritated. Our mental abilities are also hindered because the energy our brain receives will be limited.
- When a problem stacks above another problem. This happens a lot when you have a lot of things to handle, it just gets overwhelming. That moment when you have no idea where to even start causes stress. That time when you haven’t even resolved one problem and you’re already getting another one.
- When you receive bad news. Afraid of telling your parents that you got a lot of bad grades this semester? Well, it’s because they’ve worked hard to give you the opportunity to study and have a brighter future and you’re just throwing it away. Of course, they feel as though their efforts are pointless because you didn’t exceed their intended desire. Bad news causes disappointment and disdain, no matter how big or small they may be.
Anger is a part of life really. It’s how we handle it that makes the difference. How we handle it will create a dramatic effect on our situation.
If you’re angry, don’t talk
This instruction might be something you already know, but when the time comes, it’s hard to do. Talking while you’re angry can be avoided completely to avoid more problems to arise. Yes, it’s a very hefty sacrifice you’re going to make. I’ve been there; there are times when I’d just want to let go of my patience and start unleashing my anger, but I didn’t. At first, I was surprised to see that I was able to avoid the conflict altogether without even opening my mouth. Just by that, I was also able to avoid any more additional problems.
I know it’s hard to stay silent when you’re itching to say something bad but think of it this way.
Would you rather release your emotions and have more problems added to the conflict you’re facing or stay silent and handle only one problem?
Honestly, I’d really rather stay silent even if it means I’ve been defeated. Sometimes, accepting defeat is what lets us have a more peaceful and calm mind. A lot of people might see it as a sign of weakness, but here’s how lesser mature people are wrong.
No, defeat doesn’t always mean you’re weak. It means that you’re mature enough to avoid conflict altogether.
Critical thinking block
As noted earlier, you shouldn’t talk when you’re angry. How does this step help you, exactly? You see, when you’re angry, the level at which you try to understand other people’s opinions dramatically drops down. You tend to stick with your own thoughts and disregard the things they say. Without the ability to understand each other, the problem inflates exponentially which will make everything worse.
The moment you feel like you’re about to explode, ask the other person to stop and take a break. Having a few minutes to relax and calm your mind really helps. When you’re calmer, the talk will most likely go smoother than when you were angry. Why? Because the block to your critical thinking skills caused by fury is removed, granting you the ability to understand more.
The less anger present, the better clearer your mind will be.
However, when the time comes when you didn’t calm yourself down and you’re unable to control your anger, a lot of different aspects can go worse.
Statements you’ll regret later
When you’re unable to control yourself, you’re most likely going to say a lot of unpleasant words. Either they are words that are straight-up foul, or words that can hurt other people. These are the words that might contribute to the growth of the current problem. They are very unnecessary and they don’t need to even exist. Without these words, the situation would go a lot better.
Once you are finally able to calm yourself down, you’ll realize your mistake. You might decide to apologize to the people you’ve hurt, but the damage has already been done. Sure, they can forgive you for saying those rough statements, but not everyone will be as nice as them. Some people might use that unpleasant behavior to make your reputation worse. Some might even press charges against you.
So, knowing this now, would you really rather release your anger?
Remember the saying, “Prevention is better than cure”? It applies in this scenario, as well. If you prevent yourself from releasing horrible words, you’d also be stopping yourself from causing trouble which you will then apologize for in the future. Preventing bad statements also means you’d be stopping yourself from hurting other people’s feelings, hence, stopping the damage.
Unwise Decisions
Say, for example, you’ve gotten into a heated conversation with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Things got worse because neither one was mature enough to drop their ego. Anger arises every second. This is the point when you decided to terminate your relationship and your partner agrees. For a few minutes, you think you made the best decision you’ve had in your entire life.
Moments later, you feel guilty. You feel like you were too harsh and you guys didn’t try to understand each other at all. This is the point when you’d try to get back to your ex, but they no longer want to.
You see, anger makes us create these unwise decisions. Decisions which we will regret in the future. Before you make a decision that will have a big effect on your life and the other people involved, calm down.
Never make a decision when you’re angry.
You might not necessarily mean what you said. You might not really be 100% sure it was the right call. But what’s done is already done. Before that happens, calm yourself down. Think of something else that makes you feel relaxed. When you reach the point of tranquility, that’s the time when you’re supposed to make a decision, considering the different outcomes those decisions may be.
Physical Fights
Most wreckless people often think that punching other people is going to resolve the problem. They think like it’s the only way for the problem to be solved. Well, go figure.
It’s not the solution, it just makes it worse than it has to be.
Sure, you might feel satisfied to land that strong punch on their face. It might satisfy you knowing you’ve hurt them physically, but did it solve the problem? Big no. Not only are they going to get injured, but you’re also going to get hurt too. This is the exact reason why courtrooms are against any physical attempt to hurt each other.
If the other person asks you to fight them, refuse. They might say you’re a coward or that you’re simply scared of them. Take note that what they think or say to you isn’t what the reality is. Those are just words to tempt you into fighting them. Always remember that fighting is never an answer.
Any form of physical fighting should be the last resort. Before you decide to hurt one another, just try a different approach. A professional talk can be the answer. Just don’t fight, no matter how hard you want to.
Anger Management
Always have the back-up plan inside your head. A back-up plan specific on the last second before your patience is completely gone. Imagine it like a switch you push before your patience disappears. It’s like that emergency break inside a car whenever the breaks stop working. It saves you from getting into an accident. How does the switch work exactly?
Well, the back-up plan is to force yourself to think of something beautiful. Something you think is very pleasant. It can be the time you confessed to your crush and they liked you back, the time you won a contest or the time you got your first smartphone.
Let your anger pass before you say anything about the conflict
Once you’re able to regain enough patience back, you should already have enough control over the words that will escape your mouth. In which case, you should ask them to stop the conversation as kindly as you can. You don’t want to be rude to them in case you really want to say the meanest words you could think of.
If they have considered, they’ll let you relax for a few minutes. Put your act together, relieve that itching tongue of yours from exploding, and go back once you’re calm enough.
A deep breath helps a lot
If you’re having trouble trying to calm yourself down, this is what I do to completely pull myself away from anger. Sit down on a comfortable spot, inhale through your nose, and exhale through your mouth. Think of nothing, let your mind be at peace. This procedure should be able to calm your mind. If you’re struggling to relax, do it repetitively. Take note that you won’t be completely calm with just one breath in and out.
Calming down takes time, don’t rush it. Sure, a lot of time might be wasted but you’re avoiding a lot of conflicts to arise if you’re facing the problem angrily. This will be worth it in the end.
Increasing Your Patience
All of those back-up plans, calming down and taking a break that costs time can also be avoided if you have a ludicrously large amount of patience. The longer patience you have, the less likely you are to think of any evil thoughts. The more patience you can store, the more you can understand.
Understanding other people’s sides is a huge part in resolving a conflict. This feature can easily be done if you’re mind is at peace. Hot-headed people wouldn’t really be able to listen to anyone else. Understanding other people also means that the conflict can be resolved with less inconvenience.
It may be hard sometimes to understand other people’s opinions, especially if they’re directly against your own. But you need to understand that different people have different ways of thinking, ways which won’t always seem great to you, and that’s okay. We’re not supposed to force ourselves to be liked by everyone. No matter what we do, people’s opinions can differ from ours because they depend on our perception.
All you can really do is accept their opinions and respect them. You can try to nicely change them by presenting your idea, but don’t force them to believe it entirely.
Have a clear conversation
We’ve finally resolved your anger management. You’ve either calm down or you have an extraordinary amount of patience. This is the time when you’d talk to the other person to resolve the issue. Their looks and way of speaking might sound very direct to you, maybe even scary, but you don’t have to be. Just sit there and talk like you would any other day. Of course, the words you’ll use will depend on who the person is, but don’t make yourself look highly professional. You might even think of using deep terminologies which might make you look better but if the other person doesn’t understand it, it won’t be a great help at all.
Civilized Talk
You’re finally there. You’re going to be giving and receiving thoughts. In order for you guys to maintain your cool, which will sustain your patience, avoid raising your tone or using foul words. These are not necessary for your conversation. Why do people do it? Because they think it’ll get their intended message deeper in other people’s heads. It’s their way of emphasizing their opinions.
If these measures cause other people to lose their patience, it’s not a good approach, even if you intend on making it clearer. You’re desired outcome will be reversed and everything will be worse than before.
Don’t interrupt the other person if you disagree with what they’re saying. Let them finish their sentence before you share your own thoughts. We all know that in order for a conversation to be effective, there should be a speaker and a listener. You won’t be able to understand each other if you’re both going to talk at the same time.
Maintain your cool
In the middle of the conversation, they might say something that may trigger you in some way. Their words might be offensive to you, which will cause your patience to fade away. If this happens, try your best to cope and understand why they said those things. Don’t have a one-sided mindset. You’re not always going to be correct, and that’s normal. Consider the other people’s thoughts and they will consider yours. It’s an interactive cycle, not a one-way process of your own opinions.
