I n the judgemental world that we live in, a lot of people have been involved in some sort of degrading others. Let’s not lie about ourselves here; we’ve all done it, whether we admit it or not. It might be either because you have a personal affliction with others, you enjoy shaming others or even to boost your own self-esteem.
Flaws come in in different ways. It’s a part of being human, it’s not really something we can stop. They will come to us naturally, whether we like it or not. It can vary from having stretch marks on your body, wrinkles on your forehead, hair balding, acne, pimples, body hair, and etc. One thing you should always know is that there’s nothing wrong with having them. There’s no lawsuit against having acne on your face. Always remember that:
Your body, your decision
It’s your choice if you want to embrace these flaws. It’s your choice if you want to be free of them. Just remember that no one should take your right of deciding for your own body.
Accept that no one is perfect, everyone has flaws
Whether we like it or not, being human means being imperfect. Yes, we can choose to live a healthy lifestyle to satisfy our desire to be more presentable in front of others, but know that you’re not required to please everyone around you. Accept that no matter what you do, everyone can always find something against you. They might even use your body as a way to degrade you as a human, but know that degrading others doesn’t make you look better. In reality, it makes you look worse.
Your entire worth doesn’t depend on how good you look or how well you groom. That is just only one factor in life. Some people might not be that good-looking but they have excelled academically. They might even be more successful than those who strive to look perfect.
Aside from your mental prowess, your attitude plays a big role in determining your reputation. Let’s say you do have the best face and a perfect body, but you have a bad attitude. You’re rude to other people, you backstab your close friends, you laugh at someone behind their back, or you might even bully them for that matter. When that happens, your looks will be deemed nullified and worthless.
Why do people like to body shame?
We all know that body-shaming others, judging them for their imperfections, laughing at them for having their flaws is completely a wrong behavior. We know how much pain they go through from the words we tell them. But, why do you think people still do them? If we know it’s bad and painful, why inflict it on others?
Bullying
One of the worse behavior observed in schools and in other social groups, bullying. Bullying is a behavior in the animal kingdom where organisms assert their dominance above the others. It’s what makes people feel more prominent than others. It’s why they take pleasure in beating others up or insulting them. It comes in different forms. No matter what form it goes through, the pain will always be there.
It doesn’t matter if you weren’t doing anything that can bother them. It doesn’t matter if you’re just silently minding your own business. If they see you as an easy target, they’ll use you to boost their ego.
Ego Boosting
Most of the time bullies inflict torment on others to feel better. It makes them feel stronger and better. They don’t care if they hurt your feelings. They could care less if you cry in front of them; in fact, they might even bully you more because of it.
Sometimes, people bully to pass their pain onto others. Say, for example, a student experiences a lot of drama and loneliness inside of their own houses. That same student will feel degraded as a human or even go through depression. A bully’s way to cope with these experiences is to inflict them on others. It makes them feel satisfied and contented, knowing that they are strong enough to inflict the same pain on others.
However, if you know how bad it feels to be maltreated, you wouldn’t want other people to go through that same pain, right? If you know how sad and lonely you felt when you were tormented inside of your own house or in whatever place you could think of, you know how much impact it can have on other people. Simply put, if you think one thing can cause depression, don’t do it to others for your own ego.
Gaining a better reputation above others
As noted, making humor about another person’s imperfection causes their confidence to go down, while yours go up. Exerting your dominance over the weaker ones make you look feared and famous like you’re someone who can never be insulted back.
Know that this entire system is nothing but an illusion. Sure, you’d think that by gaining popularity or striking fear into other people will make you feel like you’re a better person, but that’s not the reality. In truth, nothing really changed about you.
You don’t improve by degrading others. You improve by learning with others.
You’re just that same insecure person who loves to make other people suffer. It doesn’t give you any real benefit.
A bully’s realization
There will be a time in the future when a bully’s mindset will mature. They might finally be aware of the wrong things they’ve been doing all along. They can regret ever doing it to other people. However, the damage has already been done. No matter how hard a bully might apologize to you, the bad memories will always haunt you.
Before you start bullying others, know that you might realize that you’re wrong at a later stage in life but you can never erase the agony you have inflicted on others.
I remember being bullied by someone back in primary school. He’d practically do anything that will annoy me. He even had the nerve to threaten me, “I will burn your house down.” and laugh hysterically. At the time, I was afraid. There were times when I don’t even want to go to school because of him. My motivation to keep learning is that I kept repeating the phrase to myself:
This will all be over soon. He might move to another school, or at least I would.
To my relief, he happened to move to another country, miles away from me. I wasn’t scared anymore, knowing that he’s gone. For years, I’ve felt better. A couple of years later, I saw him contact me on Messenger, asking me how I have been. To my surprise, he’d changed completely. He was a different person from years ago. A thought came to me, suggesting that he’d finally grown mature.
Like I said before, the bad memories and damages have been done. Looking back at it now and sharing it with him, we’d totally laugh how silly we were back then. How immature his actions were, how bad of a person he once was, and how inconsiderate he was at the time.
I want you guys to learn from my experience. If you’ve ever had a rough memory back then, let them go. You don’t have to let your bad memories to pull you back from what you’re destined to become. Move on. Move forth. The torment you’ve experienced isn’t your entire life.
Why shouldn’t you body-shame?
No one really has the audacity to body-shame anyone. We all go through the same thing, no one is special. It’s alright to try your best and become decent. It’s also alright to keep those imperfections and be proud of them. What’s wrong is judging people just because of their looks. It’s wrong to make other people feel less of a human.
Never judge a book by its cover.
You shouldn’t judge people based on how they look. No one should go through that. The choices they do to their body, as long as they’re not hurting anyone, is completely under their control. We just need to accept their decisions and respect them for doing it.
How can confidence be destroyed because of body-shaming?
The pain’s impact on everyone who experiences body-shaming may vary. In fact, it’s completely dependent on how hard it hits them to a personal or depressive level. A lot of the victims of body-shaming often doubt if they are really good enough. They overthink a lot and most of the time, they think about harming themselves to relieve the pain.
Becoming an Introvert
Because the victims of people who experience body-shaming are no longer courageous enough to talk to other people, in fear that they might be insulted, they exclude themselves from other people. They choose to be alone and face their problems alone, knowing that if they open up to someone, they might just laugh at them even more.
It is important to have someone who you can release all your pain. It’s important to have someone who will listen to how bad your day has been. They will help you cope with the entire situation. They can help you think positively and give you hope.
When you’re in a worst-case scenario and you don’t have anyone to tell your experiences to, write them on a piece of paper or type them down on a keyboard. Draw an art piece where you can freely release those built-up emotions.
Know that it is your decision if you’d want to cope with it or sink down even further.
If you want to have friends but you don’t want to meet them personally, you should consider playing some games and get friends that way. The people you play with will be more focused on your gameplay, rather than your own appearance. This shouldn’t be an escape route for never socializing again, instead, it should be the foundation. It should teach you how to talk with other people.
Self-harm
Self-harm is any activity that causes someone to inflict wounds, bruises, and other forms of injuries to their own bodies. It’s something they chose to do voluntarily, without even anyone telling them to do so.
Self-harm is completely an illusion. You might think that it helps you feel better but it doesn’t. It just makes you feel worse. It adds up to the pain you’ve been experiencing from other people. It pulls you down, rather than pulling you up. Yes, it might feel pleasurable to do but that pleasure is only limited at that moment. After you realize what you’ve done, you’d regret doing it.
Instead of harming yourself in different ways, think positively. You don’t have to add up to the negativity you have in your life. At the end of the day, you yourself can help you heal, no matter how long that could take.
Suicide
The ultimate decision; after experiencing too much, after reaching your limit, after no longer having the will to live, victims will decide to take their own life to end the pain. They think that they don’t have to experience any more agony and in death, pain ends.
However, that’s not true. Ending your life to end pain doesn’t end the pain at all. It just passes it to other people.
Think about how sad your family members would be, or how much your dog will miss having you around, imagine leaving your online gamer friends without saying goodbye.
Suicide is not the answer. It never is. Life only happens once, live to the fullest until you perish away through natural causes.
Effects on Future Life
If you don’t move on from falling victim to body-shaming, it will play a huge part in your future. It might scare you away from ever talking with other people. It might pull you back from the brightest opportunities waiting for you. Your lack of confidence might cost you your entire career.
Before that happens, know that not everybody is as shallow as the once who inflicted the body-shaming onto you. There are brilliant people out there who’d hear you out, who’d accept you, who’d consider being your friend regardless of your looks. You just need to look for the right people.
As for the bad memories of the past, learn to let them go. You don’t have to keep clinging on to them. You don’t have to relive the entire process again. You must let go of the past and focus on the present for the betterment of your future. Prove to those body-shamers that you’re not just an imperfect person, that you’re also capable of doing amazing features. Prove to them that you’re a better human being. Don’t let them pull you back from the potential you possess.
